Rebirth

A year ago my entire life changed. It was the beginning of a very deep dissolving of everything I knew (hola Saturn return 👋🏼).⁣
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It’s been a year of death, grief, contractions. ⁣
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Of softening my grip.⁣
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Of losing any ledges that might’ve given me some illusion of safety. ⁣
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Messy, wild, gut wrenching. Every push felt never-ending.⁣
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Regular sessions of breaking down crying in the bathroom were involved (because, let’s be honest, is it even a dark night of the soul without them?!😂).⁣
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A year later, as I stand in a new terrain to the one I was crumbling into a year ago, I recognise this year unlocked depths of me I didn’t even know existed. ⁣
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New inner landscapes have been awakened. Remembered. Inhabited.⁣
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My life’s kaleidoscope beads have rearranged and fallen into a new shape. Revealing a new pattern.⁣
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It’s shifted my body. Landed in my belly. Trickled into my every cell like honey. Set a new blueprint alight.⁣
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It wasn’t until I trained as a doula, that I discovered this whole year I’ve been, in fact, birthing a new life. For myself. ⁣
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I’ve walked through a threshold, and I will never be the same.⁣
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I’m beginning to take my first conscious breaths as the woman that has been uncovered through this journey.⁣
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She has slowly spiralled out of the womb and is opening her eyes to a brand new world.⁣
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Birth takes many shapes, and yet in essence remains the same.⁣
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It’s raw, visceral and animalistic. It’s sacred, spiritual and the most sublime act of creation.⁣
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We die and are reborn many times during our life times, if we’re lucky enough.⁣
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And so today I honour the death of everything that needed to be sacrificed, surrendered and burnt in order for this new life to come through. ⁣
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Darkness and light. Contraction and expansion. Death and birth. Both needed, both sacred. ⁣Both unwavering companions and teachers in this human experience.
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Happy Equinox my beloveds.⁣
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In love, J xx